Loves Within

In retrospect I seek balance.

The good amongst the challenges.

I feel that I can be honest now.

In case it was a mystery, 

We lived in Georgia for awhile this last year.

It was a challenge for me.

A completely different culture than what I am used to.

Not bad.

Just different enough that after several months I'd yet to find my place.

Looking back we had some great times. 

Moments of joy. 

Even loves within our time there as a family.

It was difficult but it was where we needed to be. I will be posting a blog series that include my "Loves Within". My hope is that by looking back on the good times that my heart can heal and I can move forward with life in yet another new city.

Those Things Which are Before

I've been completely unmotivated and uninspired in the kitchen lately. 

Usually I adore trying new, healthful recipes.

It could be because we just moved from a city I loved, my Home with a capital H, to a temporary living situation in a very different world. 

It could be because Zak doesn't eat with us as his work keeps him away most of the week even providing a place for him to sleep away from home. 

But mostly I'm heart-broken that the first city we've lived in our nearly 6 years of marriage that felt like HOME, is no longer ours. Instead, I've been feeding my kids nutritionally inferior, processed foods. Something else to beat myself up over.

Regardless, I firmly believe that as temporary as this current living situation is, keeping our family together is what is MOST important.

So I continue, one foot in front of the other. 

Trying not to be as Lot's wife (Genesis 19), who commanded not to look behind her did so anyway. But instead I try to remember that "the past is to be learned from and not lived in."

So here's to "reaching forth unto those things which are before."

Gone...but not forgotten.

Some Sad News...

Yesterday I went to my first O.B. appointment and  learned that there was no heart beat.  The embryo had stopped developing at 6 weeks 4 days when it should have been 8 weeks 5 days.

Farewell...

Monday, prior to Zak's surgery, he sought a second surgical opinion at the University of Utah. The surgeon wholly supported the need for amputation of nearly half of Zak's finger so the surgery went as scheduled Tuesday morning.  Belen and I were there with him and took some final pictures as we said farewell to the finger that had faithfully submitted to Zaks will until recent months.

Belen giving her daddy some extra cuddles before his surgery.

Belen was watching T.V.

Bye, Bye finger.

The doctor said that Zak's bone was just "mush" and removing it was absolutely necessary.  We hope the surgeon was able to remove all of the infected bone and Zak will have a full and complete recovery.

Today we were able to remove the bandages for the first time to see the surgeons handiwork.

Zak begins removing the bandages.

We had to saturate the dressing with sterile saline 

because of all the dried blood.

and there it is! Zak's new finger!

There is still quite a bit if healing that will need to take place but we were told by both Zak's surgeon and the hand surgeon at the University of Utah that once the finger was removed we would be amazed at how quickly he would heal.  We really hope so. I think Elder Bednar spoke in the April Conference just last weekend, about the blessings that come "after the trial of our faith." I feel that making the decision to go through with the surgery rather than continuing to "wait and see" was hopefully a trial of our faith that will qualify us for the blessings promised.

The Saga Continues

Zak was given a very expensive tablet called Zyvox, so he will be taking it twice a day for two weeks.  He will then be given a penicillin-type antibiotic for 4 weeks. And his treatment should be complete.

After viewing some new x-rays that were taken on Wednesday at the surgeons office, Zak has made the difficult decision to go ahead with the surgery to scrape the infection out of his bone. We saw some significant deterioration of the bone, the last joint of his finger is completely gone. This new surgery will take place on Tuesday, April 8th. Our hope is that we can save the majority of his finger, and ensure the infection has been eradicated.

P.S. the culture taken from his picc line site was also positive for staph. A new infection.

Zak's Recovery

Nothing about Zak's "simple" finger surgery has been "simple".  Last week the surgeon took some x-rays to see how the bone was looking and we got a little wake-up call.  The surgery itself was a success in that the bone fused to the correct place (despite the fact that the pin that was sticking out of the end of Zak's finger got caught on something and was pulled right out. Fortunately when he contacted the surgeon he said he was planning on taking it out just 3 days later UNFORTUNATELY Zak had been helping me put laundry away at the time the pin came out...can you imagine...he could have used that against me for the rest of our lives)!

Also, on the x-ray we saw some pretty convincing evidence of serious bone infection.  In case you are wondering what it was we saw, exactly...when there is an infection in the bone, the infection essentially "eats" away at the bone. The severity of the infection really dictates how much of the bone remains as well as whether or not there is enough material left to stabilize the flesh, so to speak. In essence, we saw, where his bone should be (reflecting white on the x-ray) we saw mostly gray and black, meaning, there is not much bone left.  The surgeon said that if this were a larger bone (rather than the end of his finger) they would go in and surgically scrape away the infection but in this case there would be nothing left.  So really, at this point we are waiting and watching to see if Zak can keep the end of his finger.  Zak does have a bit of a sense of humor about it, he joked that if they did have to remove it he would just miss the "S" key when he was typing...

Zak has had a picc line in place for awhile now, it was meant to stay in place for the remainder of his treatment (another 3 1/2 weeks or so) but he developed a pretty bad skin allergy to the adhesive on the surgical dressings that kept his picc line in place. So much so that they had to remove the picc line today, by order of the ER physician because they were concerned about the site becoming infected, I didn't know that was possible being that he's on the ninja of all antibiotics but I assume they know more than I do about the situation.  So, he may have to have a shunt placed in his chest for the remainder of his treatment.

By the way, his finger looks TONS better. I will add a picture probably tomorrow.

Getting Better

I wish I had a more recent photo to include in this post but we just wanted to let our friends and family know that Zak is doing very well.  We saw the specialist yesterday and were told that Zak is on the right medication, the picc line will be placed on Friday, and treatment will continue, on an outpatient basis, for 6 weeks.  The doctor did examine Zak's finger and we were all delighted to see some continued improvement.  We got some lab results back yesterday as well with some very interesting findings.  The most recent results show that Zak's infection is susceptible to every antibiotic as opposed to the first results that reported a resistance to antibiotics. While both the Infectious Disease specialist and the orthopedist find these most recent results inconsistent and troubling, Zak and I feel that a priesthood blessing he'd received, as well as the many prayers offered on his behalf, is the explanation for this sudden turn of events.

We were wrong.

Turns out Zak has a very resistant strain of staph.  Even the main antibiotic they use to treat resistant strains of staph will not work in his case.  We will see a specialist early Wednesday morning to see what happens next but until then the surgeon has changed Zak's medication. They will be taking out his heparin lock (used for short term I.V. treatment) tomorrow and putting in a picc line (used for long term I.V. treatment) instead.  We are told that treatment will take a lot longer than the 10 days we'd anticipated and it is more than likely that Zak will be admitted to the hospital for that treatment.

Update

Though the doctor has neglected to call us with Zak's lab results yesterday, today we have begun to see some minor improvements. The red streak on Zak's hand is now gone and the swelling seems to be going down just a bit.  He also reports feeling a bit better overall.  He has 7 days left of the 24 hour I.V. drip (the heparin lock should be removed a week from tomorrow) unless the doctor says something different at his appointment tomorrow.

Thank you for all your prayers.

Zak's Surgery

Oh say, about 2 months ago Zak broke his finger while he was sledding.  Just as we should, we went in to see the doctor to verify it was broken and make sure it was set correctly.  A bit later Zak mentioned that something was odd with his finger and he decided it would be best to return to the doctor..only this time he saw someone else in the same office.  That person didn't even examine his finger but just yelled at him for not having his splint on while he was in the doctors office (mind you, the first doctor he saw toldhim he didn't really need the splint but I insisted so we got one).  A week later Zak went in AGAIN insisting something was wrong...only then did they come up with the idea to re-x-ray to see if his claims were valid.  And sure enough, the broken piece of his finger had fused to the wrong part of the adjacent bone creating quite a lovely bump on his finger. The result was pain and a lack of good use of his finger...for someone who does a lot of typing in school and soon to be in his chosen profession that was just unacceptable. SO, Zak was referred to an orthopedist in town who decided it would be best to re-brake the finger, and set it with pins that would be removed as the bones healed.

That surgery was last Thursday and despite the fact that it turned out to be a much bigger deal than we'd expected, was a success!  Zak was put under general anesthesia and had difficulty coming out of it and spent the majority of the day in the hospital.  But, all was well. The surgeon sent Zak home with some very strict instructions and a follow up appointment a week and a half later.

Four days following the surgery Zak's finger began to show some signs that in fact, all was not well.  It began as some localized swelling but it caused Zak a lot of additional pain and he had trouble sleeping.  He contacted the surgeons office on Monday for pain meds and advice about the redness and swelling. By Monday night his entire hand was beginning to swell and turn red and he complained of chills but the thermometer said there was no fever.  He only slept in spurts of about an hour at a time because the pain was so intense.

Wednesday he went in and waited at the surgeons office until he could be seen and the surgeon said he didn't notice any signs of infection but sent Zak home with a prescription just to cover his bases (note: antibiotics typically take 2-3 days before you notice any sign of improvement because they must first build up in the system before they reach "therapeutic levels." It is common for symptoms to worsen significantly before they begin to work).  

This morning Zak noticed streaking (a red streak going from his finger up his hand toward his heart this is indicative of a very serious infection that is becoming septic) so he went right in to the surgeons office where I took the pictures you will see below.  The surgeon pulled out one of the pins holding Zak's bone in place and it was like a cork backing up all the pus which then came pouring out. He then, causing Zak some pretty excruciating pain, proceeded to squeeze the pus out like he'd just popped a pimple!  Belen kept trying to give him a hug and kept pointing at his finger.  We felt so bad for him.  We were sent directly to the hospital where Zak was admitted for I.V.'s. and spent the majority of our day there.  Thank you to our wonderful friends, Aaron and Jana, who came and took Belen for us so I could be with Zak.

We have to take Zak back in to the doctor tomorrow where we expect to be sent back up to the hospital where they will irrigate and clean out the infection and give more I.V.'s.  

Please keep him in your prayers. We are very worried about him.